The Four Horsemen Of The Fuckupalypse: Talking Serious

*And whilst the top scientists and diplomats are discussing important issues like climate change, our favourite pseudo-intellectual quartet are discussing some highly important questions of the day*

Richard Dawkins: Now, ahem, gentlemen, I myself, as an avid lover of science and atheism, just in case you didn't know that of me already, ah heh heh, have came into this rather frequent, er, you know, retort, as it were, asking us if we, as atheists, could disprove the existence of God.

Christopher Hitchens: As I said in my up and coming book which can be previewed on Amazon and is available for purchase on November 16th 2009, entitled, "The Holy Spirit: Made A Hypocrite Out Of Me, So It Can Make A Hypocrite Out Of Anyone", *drinks whiskey*, which I will quote, if I may-

Daniel Dennett: No, you may not

Christopher Hitchens: Oh well who fucking cares about you? You're only here to replicate the physical appearance of our Lord Saviour, Charles Darwin. We may as well exhume the corpse of Charles Darwin, to get more value than you-

Richard Dawkins: Alright, alright, stop the bickering; whilst we're bickering, the worst thing could be happening, which is that yet another person could be converted to religion, which is the equivalent of 10 Little Boys going off at once, in terms of destruction. Now, Christopher...

Sam Harris: If I may-

Richard Dawkins: What the blast did I tell you before, young chap?! Keep it buttoned up unless you have something remotely interesting to say, which, even if you did, it still wouldn't be interesting, as it's being spoken by you. Now, if we may proceed; quote, by all means, Christopher...

Christopher Hitchens: Well, thank you Richard. It seems our friend Daniel here is fairly fond of theocratic madmen. But, if I may; in my up and coming, $15.99 book, available at November 16th 2009, "The Holy Spirit: Made A Hypocrite Out Of Me, So It Can Make A Hypocrite Out Of Anyone", I make it quite clear, that I have a particularly good eye for seeking out and spotting Spirits, especially if they're in my right hand, and let me tell you this, that if there is a Spirit branded as God, the last place you'd find it, is in that theocratic, raghead infested, blistering desert wasteland called, "The Middle East"; I've had many good conversations with my wise friend, Mr, George W. Bush on the subject of our shared secularist agendas, as well as the lack of Spirits in the Middle East, and now he really is a man who's fought long and hard against the invading ragheads from getting power, which is all too good in my book, or, rather, several books, also available on Amazon, for purchase, which you'll find by typing in my name in the Amazon search engine. Now, if I may, these influences can have wonderful effects, namely, my changing of my ridiculous beliefs in the past that ragheads were equal citizens, not to be bombed the fucking shit out of, to the beliefs that our wise leader of the free world, George Bush had, but a spirit that has divine power, and that is superior to me? You can..shove that right up your, anushole!

Richard Dawkins: This is a very interesting point that you raise, Christopher-

Christopher Hitchens: You expected less of me, than to make an excellent point?

Richard Dawkins: Oh no no no, dear boy, I never inferred such at all-

Christopher Hitchens: You'd be doing a blasted disservice to humanity if you ever did.

Richard Dawkins: *Sigh*, yes, yea-

Christopher Hitchens: By all means, have your freedom of speech thing, as I demonstrate with my constant shouting of "Fire!" in crowded buildings, a subject which I've also touched upon in my latest book, but let me tell you this now, and RIGHT NOW, I-

*Richard Dawkins punches Christopher Hitchens, knocking out Hitchens....not that he wasn't half unconscious before*

Richard Dawkins: Heavens that absolutely don't exist, Daniel, you were right; I shouldn't have let that buffoon quote from his book.

Daniel Dennett: I told you

Richard Dawkins: Yes, yes you did, old chap. Now, I-

Sam Harris: I-

Richard Dawkins: HUSH!

Daniel Dennett: Anyway, to answer your original question, Richard, if there was a Holy Spirit, capable of divine knowledge, A) It'd show itself, and B) Chrissy Hitchens down there unconscious on the floor, would have drank it by now, giving him the gift of divine knowledge..something he's very, VERY far from, at this rate!

Richard Dawkins: Chortle!

Christopher Hitchens: Uhhhhhh, aarrhhhhhh...*slobbers and groans in his sleep*

Daniel Dennett: Give him another punch to keep him quiet, Richard

Sam Harris: What I say, is tha-

Richard Dawkins: NO, NO NO!

Sam Harris: I'M SAYING IT ANYWAY! What I have to say, is that the objective nature of there being a God is below Lilliputian, which was proved by all naturalists and sceptics throughout the land, and

*Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett fall asleep at the complete ineptitude of Sam Harris to say anything which isn't coma-inducing*

Sam Harris:..what I have to say on the matter, is that objective, rational, scientific thought will be promoted by us all, to be.....oh, what's the use, the fuckers are asleep. I'm going to take a joyride on one of our Atheist buses.

Christopher Hitchens: Ugghh, uhhhhhh, eahhh, uh, FIRE!......FIRE!.....FI-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *continues to snore deafeningly loud*

*Sam Harris leaves the room*

The Four Horsemen Of The Fuckupalypse

*The Four Horsemen, increasingly worried about the climate of the World, and religion's influence, have an in depth discussion...*

Richard Dawkins: Do you, you know, do you ever get the feel, like we're being viewed as, erm, you know, extreme atheists, and militant atheists? We seem to attract this, sort of, uhm, image about us, that we're, uhm, fundamentalists, almost.

Daniel Dennett: I get the accusation all the time, in my long extensive lectures about why religion should be wiped out with all human resources capable of doing so. What you have to realise, is that these damn religious Neanderthals, call everyone who they disagree with as being, "extreme". They're the extreme ones! They want to spread their beliefs globally!

Richard Dawkins: Jolly well right. But we have to portray ourselves differently, not to look like the generic pseudy, reactionary, boring old white men.

Sam Harris: Atheist rap?

Richard Dawkins: Oh no no no, dear boy. Like what I'm doing; starting an Atheist bus campaign, for which we tried to borrow some of Ken Livingstone's bendy hybrid buses, but he refused, on the basis of it being Islamophobic-

Christopher Hitchens: Arrant nonsense

Richard Dawkins: Quite, Christopher, and-

Christopher Hitchens: It's an absolute disgrace that we, I mean, you Brits have elected a theocratic, multiculturalist, raghead appeaser in as the mayor of your capital city. What next? Changing rooms for terrorists? You've had a fabulous history of defeating bloody foreigners trying to invade, and now this? THIS? AND Prince Charles, who's going to convert to Islam? No wonder us sensible, right-of thinking folk move out of there.

Richard Dawkins: That'll do, Christopher. Don't insult our traditions I-

Christopher Hitchens: I should jolly well think not. In that case, you shouldn't have elected a senile, Muslim apologist multiculturalist in as-

Richard Dawkins: Yes, yes, yes. Anyway, I say, we should have Atheist buses, Atheist churches, Atheist boy scouts, and even separate Atheist water fountains, which will, you know, reach out to people

Christopher Hitchens: I'd prefer whiskey fountains

Richard Dawkins: Yes, well, we'll resolve that one later. I don't think we should be distributing such influences, in case they have a bad effect

Sam Harris: Religion is the biggest drug of all!

Richard Dawkins: You said it, Sammy! Now, how are we going to secure the next healthy generation of young Atheists?

Daniel Dennett: Having intercouse?

Richard Dawkins: Now now, Daniel, as a scientist, I like to keep an open, sceptical mind, you know. Ah heh heh, that's how we came to Atheism, after all, but I'm not going to take on board impossible situations for the four of us. So we'll have to think up of something else.

Christopher Hitchens: I've been saying this since the very start, and if there was a start before that start, I'd be saying it then too. The Iraq War is absolutely justified, as a means to create a starting block on removing the world of religious influence, and significantly reducing the raghead population *drinks whiskey*. All the freedom that comes with dominated and imposed secularism and disbelief in God would only sought to be undermined by Islam, and, weapons of mass destruction, or not, which, Islam, in itself, is most certainly one *burp*, we should have invaded to seek control and control the country, to then downsize Muslim birthrates. Oh, you don't agree? Then try living in an Islamic theocracy. Try living in one of these repressive, third world, savage hellholes, where people are forced to be slaves, and are forced to pray five times a day, and even worse, the washing of your feet beforehand. I'll wash my own feet, when I fucking well want too, which happens to be never, for that matter, and if any theocratic shite of a Mullah tells me otherwise, then I'll write a special book, dedicating to criticising them for the bastards they are.

Richard Dawkins: Now now, Christopher, we're pondering the growth of young secularists; not the downsizing of religious populations. Daniel, you're a lecturer; what do you propose? Apart from intercourse.

Sam Harris: What about me-

Richard Dawkins: Nobody cares about you. You're too boring for inclusion into the discussion. Or flatten them cab door ears of yours, so people can actually take you seriously. Now, Daniel....

Daniel Dennett: The likelyhood of us boring old pretentious farts getting appeal of any kind is slim, Richard. Like an interfering crow, we'll just get told to fuck off if we conduct ourselves in our own manner, or else get shot.

Richard Dawkins: You really are marvellous with your crow comparisons, old chap

Next meeting with the Four Horsemen will commence, when, uhm, whenever.