The Four Horsemen Of The Fuckupalypse

*The Four Horsemen, increasingly worried about the climate of the World, and religion's influence, have an in depth discussion...*

Richard Dawkins: Do you, you know, do you ever get the feel, like we're being viewed as, erm, you know, extreme atheists, and militant atheists? We seem to attract this, sort of, uhm, image about us, that we're, uhm, fundamentalists, almost.

Daniel Dennett: I get the accusation all the time, in my long extensive lectures about why religion should be wiped out with all human resources capable of doing so. What you have to realise, is that these damn religious Neanderthals, call everyone who they disagree with as being, "extreme". They're the extreme ones! They want to spread their beliefs globally!

Richard Dawkins: Jolly well right. But we have to portray ourselves differently, not to look like the generic pseudy, reactionary, boring old white men.

Sam Harris: Atheist rap?

Richard Dawkins: Oh no no no, dear boy. Like what I'm doing; starting an Atheist bus campaign, for which we tried to borrow some of Ken Livingstone's bendy hybrid buses, but he refused, on the basis of it being Islamophobic-

Christopher Hitchens: Arrant nonsense

Richard Dawkins: Quite, Christopher, and-

Christopher Hitchens: It's an absolute disgrace that we, I mean, you Brits have elected a theocratic, multiculturalist, raghead appeaser in as the mayor of your capital city. What next? Changing rooms for terrorists? You've had a fabulous history of defeating bloody foreigners trying to invade, and now this? THIS? AND Prince Charles, who's going to convert to Islam? No wonder us sensible, right-of thinking folk move out of there.

Richard Dawkins: That'll do, Christopher. Don't insult our traditions I-

Christopher Hitchens: I should jolly well think not. In that case, you shouldn't have elected a senile, Muslim apologist multiculturalist in as-

Richard Dawkins: Yes, yes, yes. Anyway, I say, we should have Atheist buses, Atheist churches, Atheist boy scouts, and even separate Atheist water fountains, which will, you know, reach out to people

Christopher Hitchens: I'd prefer whiskey fountains

Richard Dawkins: Yes, well, we'll resolve that one later. I don't think we should be distributing such influences, in case they have a bad effect

Sam Harris: Religion is the biggest drug of all!

Richard Dawkins: You said it, Sammy! Now, how are we going to secure the next healthy generation of young Atheists?

Daniel Dennett: Having intercouse?

Richard Dawkins: Now now, Daniel, as a scientist, I like to keep an open, sceptical mind, you know. Ah heh heh, that's how we came to Atheism, after all, but I'm not going to take on board impossible situations for the four of us. So we'll have to think up of something else.

Christopher Hitchens: I've been saying this since the very start, and if there was a start before that start, I'd be saying it then too. The Iraq War is absolutely justified, as a means to create a starting block on removing the world of religious influence, and significantly reducing the raghead population *drinks whiskey*. All the freedom that comes with dominated and imposed secularism and disbelief in God would only sought to be undermined by Islam, and, weapons of mass destruction, or not, which, Islam, in itself, is most certainly one *burp*, we should have invaded to seek control and control the country, to then downsize Muslim birthrates. Oh, you don't agree? Then try living in an Islamic theocracy. Try living in one of these repressive, third world, savage hellholes, where people are forced to be slaves, and are forced to pray five times a day, and even worse, the washing of your feet beforehand. I'll wash my own feet, when I fucking well want too, which happens to be never, for that matter, and if any theocratic shite of a Mullah tells me otherwise, then I'll write a special book, dedicating to criticising them for the bastards they are.

Richard Dawkins: Now now, Christopher, we're pondering the growth of young secularists; not the downsizing of religious populations. Daniel, you're a lecturer; what do you propose? Apart from intercourse.

Sam Harris: What about me-

Richard Dawkins: Nobody cares about you. You're too boring for inclusion into the discussion. Or flatten them cab door ears of yours, so people can actually take you seriously. Now, Daniel....

Daniel Dennett: The likelyhood of us boring old pretentious farts getting appeal of any kind is slim, Richard. Like an interfering crow, we'll just get told to fuck off if we conduct ourselves in our own manner, or else get shot.

Richard Dawkins: You really are marvellous with your crow comparisons, old chap

Next meeting with the Four Horsemen will commence, when, uhm, whenever.